The "how" is up to you

If you listen to our radio interviews or read the published reviews (listed on the right sidebar), you'll get a sense of how frustrated some people get when they can't nail me down on the question: What do you REALLY believe is the best METHOD to sleep train a child?

Generally, I don't think any one method is objectively any better than another (with maybe one rather evil exception which I won't mention here because I don't want to give any fundamentalist charlatans the publicity). I think the METHOD you choose to sleep train your child should have everything to do with your own parenting philosophy, your cultural background, the way you were parented yourself, the temperament of your child, your family composition (single, married, grandparents within shouting distance, etc.), and so on. What may work beautifully and miraculously for one family may be disastrous for another. There are people in some cultures who would be horrified by the idea of leaving a small child alone in their own room to sleep while other cultures have disdain for co-sleeping families. Bottom line for me: Do what's right for your own family.

Also? There is no one method that's been empirically proven to be any better than another.  A review of 52 treatment studies conducted by the American Academy of Sleep Medicine (published in the journal Sleep) concluded that out of the top 5 types of sleep-training techniques (ranging from "cry-it-out" methods, to Ferberizing, to more "gentle" methods), all were equally effective.

So... no, I don't think cry-it-out methods are the work of the devil, nor do I think co-sleeping will lead to children becoming clingy, spoiled brats and who can blame the mother who relishes the hour-long rocking sessions that ease her baby gradually toward a good night's sleep? Whatever works for you and your child is just fine by me. But when it STOPS working for you, and you want to make a change, then pick the sleep-training method with which you feel most comfortable.  Our main point: try to apply that method at the right developmental window.

Comments

[the milliner]

"There is no one method that's been empirically proven to be any better than another."

That statement is soooo liberating. Thank you.

There's nothing that drives you more crazy than the nagging doubt that the method you choose to get your little one to sleep will somehow damage them for the long run. It's one thing to affirm your decisions when you are rested, relaxed and generally optimistic. But when you're sleep-deprived, stressed and feeling like there will be no end, that statement alone is worth repeating to yourself.

Looking forward to reading the book & following the blog!

[Isabela]

@milliner: I hear you! It was incredibly freeing for me to learn the same thing, a few years ago. I'm going to figure out how to link to a few studies that will make this point loud and clear. There's no clear evidence AT ALL that anything we do in terms of sleep-training (within reason of course, I'm not talking about abusive tactics or complete neglect) has any significant long-term impact on kids' development.